Conflict is an inevitable facet of human interaction, and mastering the art of deescalation is pivotal for fostering healthy relationships and maintaining a positive environment. In this exploration, we delve into the scientific underpinnings of conflict, stress responses, and evidence-based strategies for deescalation.
Introducing the defence Responses: Engage, Fight, Fawn, Flight and Freeze
In socially challenging situations, the human brain operates in three main ways, each influencing behavior. Each state is based on whether the environment has been assessed as safe or threatening and whether the person unconsciously has assessed whether or not they have the psychological resources to deal with it.
1. Engage
State: The brain assesses the situation as SAFE.
Behavioral Range: Assertive and playful behaviors, such as joking about the problem.
Engage Example: Imagine a team meeting where a disagreement arises about project priorities. In an engaged state, team members express their concerns with humor, making light of the situation while addressing the core issue.
Deescalation in this state involves guiding individuals to a socially engaged mindset, paving the way for productive discussions about the core issue.
2. Fight/Fawn
State: The brain perceives the situation as THREATENING, with the capacity to address the problem.
Behavioral Range: Defensively engaging, including aggressive and passive-aggressive behaviors.
Fight Example: In a heated discussion about resource allocation, a team member takes an aggressive stance, asserting their viewpoint forcefully. Raising thier voice and taking a dominating posture.
Fawn Example: As the discussion intensifies, the team member in the fawn state seeks to deescalate by overly accommodating the opposing viewpoints. They might nervously nod in agreement, offering excessive compliments to the opposing party to diffuse tension. In an attempt to avoid conflict, they may excessively apologize, even if their stance is valid. This fawning behavior manifests as an overly agreeable and self-effacing approach, as they attempt to placate others in the face of the perceived threat.
3. Flight/Freeze
State: The brain perceives the situation as THREATENING, without the capacity to cope.
Behavioral Range: Overwhelmed, leading to passive and withdrawn behaviors.
Freeze Example: During a project presentation, an individual receives unexpected criticism, leading them to freeze and withdraw from the discussion. This withdrawal is indicative of the flight/freeze state.
Flight Example: During the presentation, an individual receives unexpected criticism and is overwhelmed. They find a reason to excuse themselves from the presentation and do not follow up to engage about the topic. In this manner, they are physically and psychologically removing themselves from the threatening topic.
In a socially engaged state, individuals have the capacity for productive conversations. However, when in a Fight/Fawn or Flight/Freeze state, the goal is to help the person feel socially safe—a process known as emotional co-regulation.
Strategies for Emotional Co-Regulation
Fight/Fawn State: Shifting to Social Safety
Objective: Help the individual feel socially safe.
Techniques:
Active Listening: Understand their perspective without judgment.
Example: Acknowledge the team member's concerns about resource allocation and express understanding before offering counterpoints.
Offer Different Perspectives: Provide alternative viewpoints to broaden their understanding.
Example: Share instances where similar resource allocation strategies yielded positive outcomes, offering a more comprehensive view of the situation.
Express Empathy: Show understanding and acknowledgment of their feelings.
Example: Express empathy by saying, "I can see how resource allocation is a significant concern for you, and your perspective is valued."
Flight/Freeze State: Providing Space for Emotional Recovery
Objective: Allow the person time and space until they feel capable of addressing the situation.
Techniques:
Suggest a Break: Propose a temporary pause to avoid escalating emotions.
Example: Recognize the overwhelmed state by suggesting, "Let's take a short break to gather our thoughts and reconvene with a fresh perspective."
Create a Safe Environment: Ensure the individual feels supported in taking the necessary time.
Example: Reassure the team member that it's okay to step back momentarily and that the team values their input, creating a safe space for emotional recovery.
Conclusion
Deescalating conflict is both an art and a science, requiring an understanding of the neurobiological responses to conflict and the application of evidence-based strategies. By incorporating these techniques into your conflict resolution toolkit, you can foster healthier relationships and create a more harmonious environment. Remember, conflict resolution is about preserving relationships and promoting mutual understanding, not just reaching an agreement.
What to read next?
Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction, and learning how to de-escalate conflicts is a crucial skill in fostering healthy relationships and maintaining a positive environment. In this blog post, we will explore effective strategies for de-escalating conflicts, incorporating scientific insights where applicable.
Understanding Conflict and Stress Responses
Before delving into de-escalation techniques, it's crucial to unravel the intricacies of how our brains respond to conflict and stress. The following insights shed light on the science behind these reactions: