Mastering Conflict Resolution: Strategies for De-escalation

Understanding Conflict Escalation and De-escalation

Conflict often escalates when negative emotions go unaddressed (learn more about emotions here), leading to individuals feeling unheard, boundaries crossed, and unmet needs.

A brain-informed understanding of anger and conflict highlights that anger arises in response to a perceived threat. Its origin lies in the brain's release of cortisol, commonly known as the 'fight or flight' hormone, when faced with perceived threat situations. The specific triggers for anger vary from person to person and can signify unresolved issues or difficulties in expressing emotions effectively. Once the brain perceives a threat, regaining control becomes challenging as self-protection takes precedence. Effectively managing conflict involves providing reassurance of safety and allowing time for cortisol to dissipate from their body, which can take approximately 20 to 60 minutes.

Key Tools for Conflict Deescalation

In conflict de-escalation, your job is to try to understand what is driving the other person’s response. By showing up for these difficult conversations, you will strengthen the relationship over the long-term or set boundaries as appropriate. It is important to note that different emotions mean different things, and so you will want to respond differently based on the emotional expressions as well as strategically when in the professional context. Below, I offer some effective tools for de-escalating conflict:

1. Active Listening:

   • Ensure the other parties feel heard and understood.

   • Set aside judgment to encourage open communication.

2. Strategic Questions:

   • Utilize open-ended questions to foster meaningful discussions about feelings and concerns.

3. Reframing:

   • Transform negative statements into positive, neutral, forward-looking ones to shift the focus to problem-solving.

   • For example, reframe "He is so irresponsible, he never took my complaints seriously and didn't follow up" to "It sounds like it's important for you to see that something is now being done to address your concerns. Do you have any ideas?"

4. De-escalating Conflict Formula:

   1. Disarm: Find common ground by identifying the truth in what the other person said.

   2. Empathize: Use emotional (e.g., you feel what they feel) and cognitive empathy (e.g., you understand what they feel) to demonstrate an understanding of their emotions and thoughts.

   3. Ask: Gain a deeper understanding of the situation from their perspective and encourage them to articulate the perceived threat. This knowledge will allow you to address it later.

   4. Express: Use "I" statements to convey your feelings and perspective without resorting to personal attacks.

   5. Validate: Find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even during a conflict, to convey respect and maintain the relationship.

      Remember

When addressing conflict, use EAR as a guideline for effective communication:

1. Empathy: Acknowledge the other person's perspective and feelings.

2. Assertiveness: Communicate your feelings openly and directly.

3. Respect: Maintain a caring and respectful tone in your communication.

Remember that including all three elements is crucial to prevent conflict escalation in the first place. Additionally, be mindful of your emotional expressions, avoid reciprocating negative emotions, and aim to introduce positive emotions into the interaction for more constructive outcomes.

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